Is there anything more entertaining than the police blotter?
Probably, but I can't think of what it would be at the moment.
Two incidents in Newport Beach this week reconfirm, if there was
ever any doubt, that people will do things on booze and drugs that
they couldn't dream up, let alone do, when they're sober.
Wednesday, a 21-year old man with the profoundly Celtic name of
Christopher Jude O'Conner stormed into the Newport Hills Animal
Hospital on San Miguel Drive at 11:40 a.m. He said he had to have
some phenobarbital ASAP, which is an abbreviation for really fast.
When the folks at the animal hospital explained that though they
pride themselves on their customer service, handing out prescription
drugs just for the asking is a bad idea on many levels.
O'Conner said he absolutely, positively had to have the
phenobarbital right away. In fact, it was an emergency.
When they inquired as to the exact nature of the emergency, he
said he had to have the phenobarbital because his cat was having a
seizure. Immediately following that startling announcement, O'Conner
muscled his way past the hospital employees, found the pharmaceutical
stores, snatched some pills and made a run for the border.
The authorities were summoned, and O'Conner was quickly found in a
nearby park, although bringing him to the ground went less quickly.
In fact, it was a genuine, all-out,
"you-grab-his-legI've-got-his-arm" Donnybrook by the time it was
done, with one Newport Beach police officer treated for minor
injuries.
"When they tried to take him into custody, it was quite the
altercation," said Lt. John Desmond of the Newport Beach Police
Department.
"Quite the altercation" is law enforcement terminology for a
"you-grab-his-leg-I've-got-hisarm" Donnybrook. After all the huffing
and puffing and cuffing were done, it turned out that O'Conner hadn't
grabbed phenobarbital -- a powerful barbiturate that is used to treat
seizures and insomnia but can also be highly addictive -- but
phenylbutazone, the animal equivalent of aspirin or ibuprofen, used
to treat arthritis in patients who are nonhuman. In return for
practicing veterinary medicine without a license, to say nothing of
assaulting a police officer, O'Conner was arrested and held on
$100,000 bail as a guest of the County of Orange.
Not dumb enough for you? Don't touch that dial. There's more.
Meet Julio Marquez, 33, until recently a resident of Santa Monica,
but now a neighbor of Christopher Jude O'Conner in the county's big,
stony resort in downtown Santa Ana.
